Female friendships are significant, especially during college and post-college life. Female friendships offer a powerful source of support, love and motivation for growth. However, sometimes letting go of friendships that aren’t fitting is necessary for our development.
If you are new here my name is Jillian, creator of Chic-Chatter. In this post, we will unpack your female friendships' good and bad sides.
The Importance of Female Friendships in College and Post-College Life
College and post-college life is a huge transitioning period filled with ups and downs. It’s important to have a trusted support system to be there for you, encourage you and call you out when needed.
I am not saying you have to be a part of a giant friend group, but it's good to have a few people you can turn to for anything when needed. These growth periods aren’t meant to be done alone. Many girls at our age share similar understandings and experiences. Although we all come from different backgrounds, we are all young women trying to make sense of our lives.
Female friendships are complex on many levels, the main one being emotional support. Discovering who you are, your career path and much more can be confusing and challenging. It is normal to rely on friends during confusing or challenging times.
Along with confusion, post-college life can also feel lonely. Whether you moved to a new city, moved back home, or are still in the same town the community you were once a part of is now either different or gone. Female friendships provide companionship in a time of loneliness.
It is no lie that these friendships play a key role in your personal growth and development. I always value my friend's feedback and opinions because it comes from a different perspective, but out of love and respect. At the end of the day, supportive (not controlling) friends only want what's best for you.
If your friends don’t inspire you to become the best version of yourself then I am sorry to say, they aren’t good friends. Real friends will call you out when you are in the wrong and push you to be better.
Real friends will love you when you don’t love yourself. “They build you up and give you the strength to move through whatever trials you face,” Simone Knego explained in an article for Medium.com. The friends I have by my side today have supported me through every obstacle thrown at me and picked me up when I was down.
Growing into adulthood with close friends forms lifelong bonds through mutual support, respect, admiration and inspiration for each other. Having a community of support that grows together makes the bad days better and the good days great.
Although female friendships can be the foundation of your strength, they can also be the ones draining your energy. I asked you all on Instagram, “What‘s a word or phrase to describe female friendships?” Let’s see what you girls think about female friendships.
Recognizing When a Friendship Isn't Serving You
Transitioning periods in life can be difficult for many reasons, but when it comes to talking about unhealthy relationships it is usually about a boyfriend or girlfriend. Recognizing when to let go of a friendship can be confusing and difficult to process but it is also important for your well-being.
Like any toxic relationship, toxic friendships can have an extremely negative impact on your mental health. According to Uncover Mental Health Counseling, “The emotional turmoil and negative interactions in toxic friendships can contribute to feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and depression.”
Constant criticism, manipulation, and jealousy can diminish your happiness and self-esteem. It is easy to give feedback without criticizing, it is easy to explain your feelings without using manipulation and it is easy to be happy for a friend without being jealous.
There can be many signs a friendship is unfulfilling or toxic, lets go over some.
Friends shouldn’t guilt-trip you when you are too busy to hang out. Friends shouldn’t manipulate you into thinking it's your fault when they lack self-awareness and take accountability. Friends shouldn’t get jealous of your success. Friends shouldn’t take their anger/emotions out on you. Friends shouldn’t disrespect/violate your boundaries. Friends shouldn’t go behind your back.
If any of these signs seem familiar it’s time to evaluate the friendship you are thinking of. I’m not saying cut off everyone that upsets you by any means. But I am suggesting you evaluate the relationships in your life that bring you down.
Every situation is different and the people involved are too. Situations like simple arguments or disagreements aren’t friendship-threatening. But complex issues such as manipulation, control, and disloyalty shouldn’t be taken lightly. If you are confused about the situation you’re just asking yourself, would I treat my friend like this? (I bet you wouldn’t)
Recognizing when a friendship isn’t serving you can also mean trusting your intuition; How strong is yours? In 2016, The New York Post published an article titled, “Science confirms women’s intuition is a real thing”. It is important to listen to your gut feeling if something feels off.
I am a strong advocate of listening to your intuition, especially when it comes to friendships and relationships. If I had $1 for every time my gut feeling was right, I could afford a shopping spree.
Learning how to trust your gut feeling can be difficult, but your body lets you know when something is off. It can be painful to reflect on the situation because of the good times but that will never excuse toxic traits that refuse to change. It’s okay to distance yourself or outgrow friendships that don’t positively impact your life.
The Challenges of Letting Go
There's a poem from an unknown author that states, “People come into your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person”
These words perfectly sum up the point I am trying to make. It is hard to evaluate where a friendship stands and where it is going, but figuring out if a person is here for a lifetime, or season will tell you everything you need to know.
I don’t know about you guys but I have personally gone through terrible friendship breakups that hurt worse than breaking up with a boyfriend ever did.
Letting go of any friendship can be challenging, no matter the gender. But there's something about female friendships that have a unique, complex dynamic that comes with more emotional attachment.
“Female friendships thrive on intimacy and emotional connection,” Kristen Fuller, M.D. explained in an article for Psychology Today. Letting go of a female friend is much more complex naturally.
Let's talk about some challenges you might face when letting go of a female friendship.
Emotional Investment
Female friendships share many memories of experiences which can cause a feeling of guilt when letting go.
Conflict Avoidance
Women are taught by society to avoid conflict and keep things peaceful. Because we have been hardwired to do this for so long, it can make confronting the issue challenging.
Loneliness
Letting go of a close friend that you leaned on for support can make a woman feel isolated, even if she has other friends.
Fear of Judgement/Social Expectations
It is not a secret that female friendships have a high value that’s placed by society. Social expectations can pressure women into staying in a toxic friendship in fear of gossip, societal backlash and more.
There are several internal and external challenges you may face when letting go of a friendship. You have to remember that YOU are your #1 priority. Making difficult decisions about friendships is challenging, but being in a toxic friendship can be harder to manage.
The Power of Setting Boundaries
Establishing healthy boundaries is essential in protecting your well-being and mutual understanding for others. “They are fundamental for maintaining our self-identity, self-respect, and personal well-being,” Serene Health states.
Setting boundaries encourages open and honest communication. It also automatically helps conflict resolution when there are misunderstandings and disagreements. Healthy friendships are built from a foundation of mutual respect which doesn’t come without creating boundaries and communicating them.
Setting boundaries can look different to everyone. Dr. Nicolai explained in an article for Joon, If you are always the “yes” friend, mix in no. Friends that care about you care about your well-being. If you need a night in instead of out, your real friends will understand and support your decision.
I am so grateful my friends don’t take it personally when I don’t want to go somewhere or I want to leave early. They understand my social battery isn’t on the same scale as theirs. I never have to worry about my boundaries upsetting them and it makes our friendship more understanding.
Invest in your Healthy Friendships
When you’re going through a friendship breakup, it is crucial to appreciate the friendships you still have. I used to have a hard time when it comes to thinking of the positives when something sad happens but that has changed dramatically this past year.
It's important to not lose sight of the enlightening friendships you have when times are dark. The ones that support you, nurture you and uplift you during those times are the ones that are going to be there for a lifetime.
Surrounding yourself with friends who love you unconditionally, encourage your growth and call you out in a respectful way when needed is an endless system of support. Ashley Alt explained in an article for Medium, that friendship reduces stress and anxiety and increases personal development!
The importance of female friendships in college and post-college life is vital. This transitional time is filled with ups, downs and loads of confusion along the way. These friendships offer a community of self-expression, emotional support, personal development and more!
However, it is also vital to acknowledge the courage and strength it takes to let go of friendships that are no longer in our best interests. When one door closes an even better one opens. I encourage you to set boundaries, embrace the change and invest in your current meaningful friendships.
Needed this🩷